The Flag Guardian and Princess of the Mulch Pile

Well, we braved it - camping in the rain - and I have to say that we survived! The good news is that not ONE child complained or even noticed that the weather was drab - even saying things such as (and I quote) "This is a great place to go camp!" (I'm not sure any adult agreed on that one) and "This weather? What? It's called camping people!" (another actual quote from a second source). The great thing I think we all agreed on was that it was fun to be out there together - far enough removed from our everyday - and to play games like kickball & volleyball. A little competition didn't hurt us (well.........actually, no - never mind).
Behold: The Flag Guardian and Princess of the Mulch Pile

When we returned the boys finished up their last week of the school year. So fast! I know summer is going to fly by too - and I just can't say how excited I am to spend it with them! I feel as if the days, weeks, months, & years are now fleeting - like we are on some kind of downward slope to them flying the nest. Well, probably because it's true. I want to enjoy this summer with my three children still hanging out (in and around) our family nest. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed and frustrated with the chaos, the reminders, the clean ups - that I forget that this is supposed to be enjoyable! This is our family time - a fleeting time - that I hope we all recall with great thoughts,memories, and an overwhelming nostalgia of happiness.
God, help me to remember this throughout each and every day of this summer. Help me to recognize oppurtunities to teach and guide my children and give me the tools and wisdom for each specific moment. I know each child you have given us is uniquely designed by You. Help us to let each be themselves, to encourage them, and to provide them a place where they feel comfortable and can grow.

reflecting on the art of enjoying unscripted parenting

I can see many reasons why life has been designed to be shared with other people. The most recent: conversations. Without a recent conversation that I had with a fellow mom of three, I might not have pondered the following: How to enjoy unscripted spontaneous moments of fun with your children! I use the word unscripted because most of a moms busy day to day verbal instructions are pretty predictable.
“Let’s brush your teeth.”
“Okay, c’mon let’s go.”
“Where is _________?”
“Ugh, we’re running late.”
“Time for _________”
“Clean up your toys first.”
“One more bite!”
I could go on and on………and on. But these short phrases repeat themselves all day long, generally speaking. But “unscripted” is where we moms just don’t really know what is going to happen. We have to let our guard down. We have to be adventurous. We have to boldly go where we’ve not gone before. That scares a lot of moms, including me. Why? I’m not sure but I think we may think that our kids are going to become w i l d if we let them think we aren’t in “charge” and we must keep our serious faces on all times. Oh sure, it’s okay to smile, even laugh, but to just jump off of a cliff blindfolded? Wait. Is that what I’m talking about?
So, in reflecting on how and when these moments occur (which happened the next day after our conversation), I resolved to be more aware of them. Then what? Well, that is of course the tricky part, because it is UNPREDICTABLE. I’m sure that most of the time I totally miss these moments and blow their opportunities for fun with my kids. But I’m praying and trying to be more aware.
Take this morning for instance. I was attempting to make my bed. Now, sometime last week I had a crazy fun idea. We used to play this game with the boys when they were little and they loved it. I threw Brielle on our bed and fluffed the sheets up and down and “made it” with her in it. It WAS fun. Then. Now every time I try to make the bed and Brielle is nearby (where else would she be?) she tries to pull the covers up over her head from the sideline and proceeds to yank them off of the bed that I’m trying to make. It was getting SO frustrating! (these kinds of things happen quite often during my day which is why I’m certain that I “miss” out on a ton of golden opportunities).
I’m saying “No. Leave it alone.” She’s laughing, tugging, messing it up.
“Ughhhhhhhh.” I say.
“Hahahahaha,” she goes.
I stop. I stare at her. I remember. Conversation. Reflection. Here’s my moment.
I pick her up and toss her onto the bed. Covers fly. She squeals with delight! I “make the bed.” Her blanket covered figure squirms with laughter as I ask, “what happened to Brielle?” and proceed to find her. I lay down and giggle with her. She wants to do it again. We play this way for awhile, and I think she’ll never want to stop. Laughter music. Fun sounds. Eventually we will get tired.
“Okay, last time,” I announce. (ugh oh!)
Last time.
“Want juice?” I ask.
“Juice?” she answers.
“Okay, lets make the bed then.” I show her how to “pat, pat” it down.
“Juice?”
And we’re off. Filled with the fun we had, and I couldn’t believe she didn’t demand a single thing of me for at least the next hour!
I also couldn’t believe I almost missed that moment with her.
Sometimes I feel so pulled in many different directions - all of them with seem to be worthy of my attention: as a wife, mommy, homemaker, or whatever God calls me to be for Him at the moment, and even for myself (whether with selfish motives or not). But today I realized that while my children’s antics seem to be something that I either get stressed out by, or feel like I need to be the “Mom in Charge” of - it is not always so. They are actually calling me out of my scripted roll, not for their neediness of my fun with them, but to bless ME. These unpredictable moments are for my blessing. Mine! I never usually think of it like that. And they are random gifts from God. I cannot destine them to happen. I can plan the best, most fun, most exciting venture for my kids, but nothing will feel like the joy God can give us rolling around on an unmade bed laughing, tickling, and hugging or whatever it is. It’s like a surprise when we least expect it. Only we have to remember to open it, or we’ll not get to enjoy it.
So, it turns out that what feels like jumping off of a cliff blindfolded is actually more like soaring on wings like eagles. Who knew this? Um………..God.

Receiving a Moment

This morning I was standing in the kitchen drinking my coffee and reading my Bible Study workbook when I heard Brielle’s soft laughter coming from the living room. I peeked around the corner (generally if she sees me, she gets up and comes to me) and there she was playing happily with her toys. I realized that this is rare, she usually only does that when there are a few people/kids around. My eyes started misting and I got all choked up! She was playing in a far more grown up way than she’d even done before…on her own. I was happy and sad at the same time. Seems like I’ve dreamt of these moments, getting pieces of my time back to me, and yet it’s hard to let go in ways too. Part of me wanted to run in there and sit down and play with her! Part of me knew that this was an opportunity to actually read the words on the pages of my Bible Study book! Torn, I choked back tears, knowing this was only ONE small step. I actually finished my Bible study chapter and of course Brielle wanted me in that clingy baby way, only ten minutes later. And at that time I was able to savor it instead of feeling slightly frustrated by it. Loving and letting go are such intricately woven parts of parenthood that it is sometimes hard to distinguish how they both work in together through the same threads. I’m certainly more aware of these little things this time around, and I’m learning to apply these life lessons to my tween boys. I’m relearning and experiencing things I’d forgotten, but with a different filter in my head this time. And I guess that is why I get a little emotional and choked up over something so small and yet so big, such as watching my babies grow. I thought this was adorable: Tyler and Brielle watching Josh do his basketball evaluations:

My thoughts on parenting, and two recent videos

I think that I seriously fall in love again every day. She’s just the cutest smartest little thing! And she SO time consuming! Yes, the normal things: she’s crawling everywhere and getting into everything (safety and comforting the bonks), she needs to be fed, her diaper changed, a nap, etc… But she’s time consuming in other ways too! Starting with just how much fun she is to play with these days! She loves to dance to “her music,” play peek-a-boo, and pretend chase. The week after she learned to crawl (which was two weeks ago and at 8 ½ months old) she learned how to go up the stairs, which is a pretty fun game and good exercise too. Then there are all of the pictures and video recordings that I feel compelled to catch of all of these cute and wonderful moments! There are books to read, lullabies to sing, and baths to take. It’s all too much fun, and while I love it, it can be tiring and she most often will prefer her brothers over me for some real action! Then there are moments that I just observe without wanting to be caught observing (because she will most certainly stop whatever it is and crawl over to me). They are the moments that I can see her brain working, thinking, knowing, wondering….and I see her act in result of what she’s thinking, or move on. And I feel like I’ve been given privy to this amazing discovery, this creation who miraculously grows and thinks and feels and knows. Why am I so fortunate? I know, I know, not the same question I ask after five middle of the night feedings and scores of poopey diapers. But this smile, this laugh, this amazing brilliance that emanates from such a small little being, it only becomes more astounding each passing day. As she also learns how to let her frustration and dislikes be known, in new ways, it only adds to my admiration of her (so far! that is likely to change one day soon). And while she consumes so much of my day in these ways, and sometimes I do admit to needing a break, most days I just simply take it all in. This time now is fleeting. Gone are the days of colic and the frustration of breastfeeding. Gone are the times of sitting her down (even to just use the bathroom!) and there she would stay. Gone are the days where she couldn't be consoled. Gone are the moments when she wouldn't grab anything in site or try the food out of our hands! And so much more! Already gone. So now too, these are the moments of now, which will one day be gone. One day she will not crawl. She will walk, run, skip. She will not fall asleep nursing in my arms. And so I hold her just a little longer after she falls asleep. Because one day she will not fit exactly so as she does today. And so yes, I do make her more time consuming than she is a lot of time. But ask me if I would like to do it differently, and I'll say that if I did I would already be doing it that way.
When I see her strength, her bones, her skin, her development (both physically and mentally) I am amazed at the wonder of God’s creation. For nine months He formed her in the womb, and for the past nine months He has formed her on the outside of the womb, full of love and nurturing care, given us the nutritious milk He designed, and by His hand, He has grown her as He has seen ought. These thoughts often prompt me to see the older boys as such as well. While they are not growing at quite the speed of Brielle (which I suppose could be argued since puberty may be setting in) they are certainly growing! And this is a special time in their lives too! A time that will never return to us. A time that should be lived, touched, felt, and shared. Fortunately with them it doesn't feel as immenent to capture and record each milestone. But it does feel almost near urgent to share it with them, listen to them, and be with them (physically and mentally). So much that a baby teaches me about my older boys, and so much that my older boys have taught me about a baby.
God is so infinite in His wisdom.

okay, she is dancing in this video (it's from my phone so not so good quality) and bonks her head...you may want to turn down the volume--as my voice is loud when that happens! sorry

This one was at Tyler's football practice two nights ago.

going to sleep

last night it took about fifteen minutes for me to put Brielle down to sleep, or help her get there rather. will was impressed with this short amount of time, and we chuckled a little over how we used to put the boys down for bedtimes & naps. we just put them in their cribs with a blanket and pacifier and they went to sleep. i don't remember if they cried, but they might have sometimes. i'm sure that we didn't go to extra measure to ensure their security though. we looked at parenting different then. we used to scoff at parents who went through all of that trouble, and we surely thought that we were doing a good job and weren't letting out kids 'get one over on us.' but it's not all about that! it's about meeting a child's needs and taking the time to parent them in a nurturing, loving way! i was telling will that though it may take longer to put her to sleep, it was during those times that some of the most special moments happened. like yesterday, i laid on the bed with her for her first nap and hummed her to sleep. i nursed her to sleep just a while ago. then last night she used both of her hands to play with my face and ears and softly made noises that hummed herself to sleep. we both agreed that it was worth having that one-on-one time and that those moments were priceless and so special. that is why sometimes i am so amazed at this gap between our children and how it has affected how we parent and what is most important. it also draws us to our older boys and allows us to evaluate their needs for this stage in their lives. parenting is such a joy, such a blessing. good thing to find that out before our children have moved on.

Capturing these moments

These pictures were taken 3-31-08. The day after this blog was written.

I am sitting in a house that is empty…besides myself. I would say it feels weird. But it really doesn’t. It feels normal. Yes, my days are filled (24-7 mostly) with my children, and especially with Brielle, now four months old. But for the past 4 ½ years (since Tyler went to kindergarten) I’ve had moments of solitude by myself. Four years is much longer than four months. I am enjoying this moment. It’s going to fly by. I enjoy my moments with my children too. They too, fly by.
I realized today the irony of what I try to do with my capturing moments and memories. I take a ton of pictures, I scrapbook, and I journal about everything. And while those are wonderful things, nothing will every quite bottle time for us. The moments I want to capture and remember cannot be recorded with my camcorder, nor written down. They are too hard to describe. They are felt. They are the moment. Being older with a new baby has a different perspective. No one has to tell me to enjoy it now, or how time flies. I hold her and rock her to sleep. I can’t recapture how she feels, so perfect in my arms. I can’t capture her wonderful smell, or how she looks at me. A picture would never do the moment justice. I’ll never be able to recreate her nursing as she is now. And I will probably never nurse another baby again. The games she sometimes plays, when she is in the mood. Our sweetest interactions sometimes come when she is fresh from nursing, and draws back just to look at and talk to me. Sometimes it will be so random or unique that I’ll throw back my head and laugh. Then I look at her, seriously. Time turns over. This is our moment. How it happens, that is what I want to capture. Burn it to my memory. Savor every moment. Close my eyes and breathe it in. No, don’t close my eyes or I will miss it. How her soft sweet foot feels to press it to my cheeks and my lips over and over again. To watch her discover new things, about herself, about her surroundings. I discover some new things too. About me, about my life. She makes me pay attention to her. She makes me pay attention to our time together. She allows me to interact more with the boys in our family, and even strangers greet us when we are out. (Mostly when she is in the pouch sling -which she still loves.) We know she is beautiful, but people still tell us that all of the time. Everywhere we go, people say, “oh, she is so beautiful.” Not cute, not precious, not sweet, not even adorable-just beautiful-- maybe that is normal for all baby girls.

Brielle 3-14-08

I was reading over some of my journal entries into my laptop while I was in fact looking for poetry to print out for Brielle’s scrapbook. Talk about tearing up! I want to print it all out and make a journal just for her: that is about parenting her! Maybe I should save it to a disc though? Think of technology advancing. Will she prefer it on a disc or printed out? Will she even want to read it? I would! I mean, I do! Seriously though, I would love to read anything that my mom wrote about me, or even wrote about anything during the time I was a baby. Yet, I’m pretty sure not much exists. Now watch, I write and write about my daughter and she won’t be interested. Maybe though, it doesn’t matter. I post some of it on the internet for anyone to read. I think it is good to share our experiences with one another.
Tonight as I was putting her to sleep in my arms (I am wearing a tank top) she was running her silky smooth hand all along my arm, chest, and shoulder. It was calming her as she was falling asleep. I thought it was one of the most precious things a baby could do. Ever.
She is still very much a private eater. She does not like loud noises when she is eating. We sleep with the Vaporizer fan on all night (every night) because she sleeps best with it on. She takes her pacifier a lot and sometimes wants it over me. I don’t take offense. I can’t turn on the light attached to the headboard of my bed. She won’t eat with it on, and not because the light is distracting her. I really believe she thinks the lamp is something! I don’t know what, but she arches her head way back, extending her neck, and gives it the strangest most curious look! Even if I turn it off, once she’s noticed it, it’s too late. It’s something. She is but 3 ½ months old but she loves to try and sit up and stand up. She’s an active baby alright. But, she always has been, even in the womb. She likes to just lay near me and kick and push me with her feet. She’s very physical. She loves to hold my hand with her hands on her chest. She loves to feel things. She listens to everything. I can get her to laugh kind of now. It’s such a beautiful sound. She’s recently discovered her voice. And she likes it, of course. I’m no longer surprised, though still say over things, “the boys didn’t do that……….” HAHAHA She’s our unique little princess. She’s exactly what God designed and had in perfect mind when He created her attributes. She’s perfect, particular, and so wonderful. She makes us all smile. The boys think she knows more than it seems she should, and they are probably right.
She’s sleeping now, and I’m thinking I should be too.