Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Receiving a Moment

This morning I was standing in the kitchen drinking my coffee and reading my Bible Study workbook when I heard Brielle’s soft laughter coming from the living room. I peeked around the corner (generally if she sees me, she gets up and comes to me) and there she was playing happily with her toys. I realized that this is rare, she usually only does that when there are a few people/kids around. My eyes started misting and I got all choked up! She was playing in a far more grown up way than she’d even done before…on her own. I was happy and sad at the same time. Seems like I’ve dreamt of these moments, getting pieces of my time back to me, and yet it’s hard to let go in ways too. Part of me wanted to run in there and sit down and play with her! Part of me knew that this was an opportunity to actually read the words on the pages of my Bible Study book! Torn, I choked back tears, knowing this was only ONE small step. I actually finished my Bible study chapter and of course Brielle wanted me in that clingy baby way, only ten minutes later. And at that time I was able to savor it instead of feeling slightly frustrated by it. Loving and letting go are such intricately woven parts of parenthood that it is sometimes hard to distinguish how they both work in together through the same threads. I’m certainly more aware of these little things this time around, and I’m learning to apply these life lessons to my tween boys. I’m relearning and experiencing things I’d forgotten, but with a different filter in my head this time. And I guess that is why I get a little emotional and choked up over something so small and yet so big, such as watching my babies grow. I thought this was adorable: Tyler and Brielle watching Josh do his basketball evaluations:


Krista said...

Thanks for sharing this, Jenna. Whether or not you know it, you are an amazing source of inspiration and encouragement. I look forward to having my own babies one day, and hopefully I'll have the maturity and selflessness to experience it and love them in ways similar to yours! Brielle's a lucky little girl.

jenna said...

Awwww...that is so sweeet Krista. Just that you are already seeking ways in which you can nuture and love others the way God loves us is a testimony to the kind of mother you will one day be: a wonderful one.