For about 6 weeks now I've been in the strangest place in my mind/heart/soul. I have never really been here before, so it is foreign. Not exciting, but unknown in the expecting kind of way, nevertheless. I've realized that most of my adult life (I say "most") I've had an overflowing of extra "stuff" to give. There have certainly been seasons where this was not apparent, but that is why I said "most." Now, by "stuff" I mean kindness, friendship, food, material goods, whatever. I've often felt compelled to listen, help, offer, and even to start something for others. I like adventure and seeing what could happen. Now, lately, I've realized that I can't try everything I want to do, but that is another story.
Back to the overflowing...
obviously I'm not there right now. That is the strangest. It feels so strange to just be going along with life, asking God, what am I doing? What am I supposed to be doing? When all I hear is, "this." I don't like the answer, but I know I'm not feeling up for much else. And considering that most of the things in my life that I have gotten into have been (or are being) scaled back for a season, I feel very uncertain, when I feel up to caring about it. But I know that while I am in this unusual place I am very more aware of life than I've been in years. It was like I was drifting into this coma of other things that were good in some ways, but were causing me to MISS so much of my life. My real life. The life I was created for. Now, I sound like some kind of book...
Take Facebook for example. I miss it a lot! Especially because I think all of the time about events I'd like to share with others and questions I'd like to ask! I think, "if I were on FB...then I could do so much more." But it was just one more thing in the midst of other things that were keeping me from my life. It's tough! I want to justify FB right after typing that.
Back to my point (again). During this season of life, I've been hugely appreciative of those people who are overflowing right now. Even if they are just trickling...it's like oil on my head (if we were in biblical times). A kind word, a note, a call, an email, even a smile. Anything. It means so much. Then, I started thinking about being "compelled." Sometimes, we can feel compelled to pray for someone, to reach out to them, to befriend them, or even just do something kind for them. I can see right now why someone would want to resist that urge toward someone in my place right now. It may not be much fun and I may not show how much I appreciate it. And...I may even decline or avoid it. This helps me when thinking about when I will one day have more to give---If I feel compelled toward someone---and I have anything to give at all--just try. If they resist, it doesn't have to be pushy or awkward. But if they come around and come out of it (even for a moment), be a friend. It really takes so little effort to let someone know you care. Sometimes, we think it's going to be this whole big ordeal of being sucked into someone else's problems, when we know we've already got too many of our own. But we are all in different places in different seasons for purposes that flow in God's natural design. And if you are in a place ever, that is slightly like what you are hearing me describe that I'm in, don't expect certain people you think should care and reach out to you to do so. Trust that God alone is all you need.
Then wait and see all of the ways (the most creative ways) that He chooses to bless us by showing His love to us. It may be through people we would never expect. Smiles from strangers, or from people we have only known a little while, or something such as sunshine, or unusual peace at very clear timing. We learn to appreciate it and soak it up, even more than usual.
Because a blooming flower looks more radiant and beautiful when your a sea of gray.
I praise God that He is the perfect Lighthouse when I'm loosing my sense of direction here.