Monday, April 7, 2008

About blogging and a funny breastfeeding day

I sort of made a mistake. I typed in a few of my “favorite” books from recent years. That was fine, not the problem. The mistake came when one day I clicked on one of my favorite books and realized that it took me to other blogs that also had that book listed as a favorite. That meant that other people not only enjoyed the same reads as myself, but that they also had some similar beliefs. And they were blogging about them. Not only were they blogging, but they were researching and sharing, while also incorporating their own real-life experiences into it. Interesting. So…the problem came with my desire to read all of it! Some of it was very new to me, some so full of true emotion that I actually got misty-eyed reading it. I was impressed at the ability of some bloggers. I wondered if they were paid, some were so good. Of course, my free time feels very important to me, so I only took the time to read what seemed of value. Which was a wonderful option, I might say, to pick and choose. To click away or scroll down. Ah, how I marvel the notion that I never discovered the enticement of blog reading before. It is probably going to be a necessity that I pray for guidance, discretion, and discipline *before I log on to my computer now. Lest I forget also that my darling daughter will not allow me much time online as it is.

I have thought about this several times with amazement: The same exact spot where Brielle was born is the same place where she now rides in her car seat . The back seat is also where I spend time nursing her (it is so much easier to nurse her there than try to find some place indoors, especially since she prefers to eat in peace). Which brings me to the subject of nursing in public. I am totally fine with nursing her anywhere, even in public. But Brielle makes it quite clear that she does not prefer to eat with so many distractions. I guess they overwhelm her. Sometimes so much noise puts her to sleep, but it doesn’t work the same for eating for her. I have tried and it ended up resulting in quite an ordeal. We were at Opry Mills, and I was searching everywhere for a place that I could at least get her to latch on in private before people came near enough to notice she was nursing. Well, I certainly wasn’t wearing the correct nursing attire, and I certainly didn’t feel as comfortable as I thought I was in my head. Not to mention it was a Saturday evening at Opry Mills, meaning it was jam packed in there. I tried to nurse her while standing in the Nike store, she ate a little., just enough to force her stomach to make more room, resulting in a diaper blowout (I had to change her clothes at the nearest bathroom). I tried to nurse her while standing in the bathroom. Too noisy. There was a horrible smell that overwhelmed me in there. I went to the hallway and nursed her there with my husband and children standing by. Again, I was frustrated by what I was wearing, not thinking it would be this hard to accomplish something that we’d done hundreds of times already at home. She ate a little more. We walked on. Then, she’d really had it. She had to be hungry. She began to cry. The boys went into the toy store, I said, “I’ll be on that bench over there.” I sat by two women who I hoped weren’t going to give me a hard time, blocked myself with the stroller, again scolded myself for clothing choices, and tried to help Brielle latch on. She wanted to, I think, but the distractions were just too much. I kept trying, but it just wasn’t working. I put her back in the stroller, and she didn’t cry. Actually, she fell asleep for a while. When she woke again I was using the bathroom, so I tried to nurse her in there (she eats best when she first wakes up) but nope, the cleaning people were too loud, though the shoppers were becoming scarce. So, I put her back in her car seat into the stroller and we rolled out to the car and drove the hour home. She never fussed. Go figure. I don’t know. We take every day as it comes. And just when think I may have her figured out, she changes that on me too.

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