Maybe Tomorrow?

This seems to be what I say every evening when I realize that most of things I would have loved to do got pushed aside while I did a million other things. Good things, of course, but never all, never everything. Sometimes, never even one extra thing. Some days I am doing good just to accomplish the basic household chores and spend time all along the way with our ever-growing two-year-old. I dream of creating new things in my newly remodeled "set up just for this" basement room. I dream of writing stories. I envision myself rising before the rest of my family and spending time alone with God, exercising, then writing or taking care of our finances THEN spending morning time with my family (HA!). I picture Brielle and I painting a picture together, or creating something together, taking walks.... and sometimes, some days, these things DO happen. But many days I feel like my list of dreams goes to tomorrow's list. This is life. This is life for people who don't have a household of five and a dog. There is never enough time.
But it's okay and deep inside I do know this.
I am praying through the things that I am doing, the things I am called to do, and the things I am supposed to leave (for a season, or for forever). It would be easier if God could just open and close doors for me. That would be an "answer." But instead I am experiencing a deeper walk in my faith by navigating through trusting Him, even when there are no clear signs. And I feel like He is saying, "just enjoy NOW. This day, right this moment, all I give you."
Deep breath.
Yes, it is enough for today.

Reaping what we sow

I picked my very first home-grown tomato today. I can’t wait to eat it. I would possibly re-organize dinner around it, but it is only a roma, and not big enough for all five of us.
The garden is a lot of maintenance. I do like it, but it is hard with the bugs and having to keep such a close an eye on Brielle out there. I do recommend goggles. More than once I’ve been hoeing along and something (dirt?) flew up into my eye unexpectedly. Weeding is like exercise: it’s hard to get started with it, but once you get going it can become addicting. I do a lot of thinking in the garden. That surprised me, even though it sounds cliché. There is so much truth about weeds and growing, harvesting and planting that I feel like every once in a while I get what Jesus was talking about, only he makes it seem more relevant for me now. Especially in relation to parenting. I need to put down the straw but that makes it harder to get to the roots of the weeds. The neighborhood kids seem more interested in the garden than anyone, besides myself of course. They eat the strawberries out front, and help me pick the lettuce in the back, which I make them take home with them. I often wonder what their parents think. But I think it’s good for everyone. Planting seeds. Get it?
Although this is the first year that we did not coach or have a child playing baseball, it seems it didn’t slow our summer down one bit. I feel like we are busy every day. Well, we are. At least every other day. I am now on the Steering team for MOPS (don’t ask me what “steering” means-- I keep forgetting to ask someone). It’s the group that plans and works on all things MOPS. I was so nervous about taking on another volunteering opportunity. I felt overwhelmed with the new Mom2Mom program just taking off, substituting at the preschool, and managing my home & family time. But, as it turns out, it seems to be a good thing all around. There are these really wonderful ladies on this team and they are committed to serving, encouraging, and equipping other moms to use their God-given talents for His glory. It’s very exciting. I went from being nervous about taking on more stuff to nervous about my new position. So many times thoughts of incompetence surface. The theme for the upcoming year is Together on Planet Mom. Not to give anything away, but they decided to do this SuperMom theme. It took me a while to get on board with the idea…but this thought keeps resurfacing: the Villain. Every super hero has an arc enemy, someone opposing his/her efforts to save someone or do good for the world. As a mom, I feel like no super hero, but I am called to safe guard and protect my family. To help them reach full potential is much more challenging when I’m constantly battling the evil villain: Satan. I’m am so SUPER glad that God is the Source from where I get my strength and power! He is the Ultimate Hero, the one I look to to know how, when, what, and why. It is more like a challenge and adventure than a monotonous frustrating battle. Sometimes I just don't even feel up to the fight, but I know that God already has the VICTORY won. That's SUPER-reassuring!
Update on the garden: I actually have cucumbers, peppers, zucchini, and some unknown vine growing very well in the garden too. I thought the unknown vine might be cucumbers initially…however, I have never seen cucumbers that look this fuzzy. I am no expert in vegetable growing, so I have no idea. I do know that we did not plant this one though, so maybe it’s a surprise! (my current guess: watermelon) I did put the hay down after weeding, it wasn't so hard. I have pulled of more tomatoes and zucchini since then as well and I'm almost certain I'm growing watermelon.
Why does the 3 & 4 hour bread ALWAYS fall in my bread machine? I’ve yet to figure this out. SO, I stick to 1 hour bread or make dough that I can use for rolls and such. Every once in awhile I’ll try again (like today) with a new recipe. It falls. Every time. Even worse, it smells so delicious I know that it is just a big tease!