Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Maybe Tomorrow?

This seems to be what I say every evening when I realize that most of things I would have loved to do got pushed aside while I did a million other things. Good things, of course, but never all, never everything. Sometimes, never even one extra thing. Some days I am doing good just to accomplish the basic household chores and spend time all along the way with our ever-growing two-year-old. I dream of creating new things in my newly remodeled "set up just for this" basement room. I dream of writing stories. I envision myself rising before the rest of my family and spending time alone with God, exercising, then writing or taking care of our finances THEN spending morning time with my family (HA!). I picture Brielle and I painting a picture together, or creating something together, taking walks.... and sometimes, some days, these things DO happen. But many days I feel like my list of dreams goes to tomorrow's list. This is life. This is life for people who don't have a household of five and a dog. There is never enough time.
But it's okay and deep inside I do know this.
I am praying through the things that I am doing, the things I am called to do, and the things I am supposed to leave (for a season, or for forever). It would be easier if God could just open and close doors for me. That would be an "answer." But instead I am experiencing a deeper walk in my faith by navigating through trusting Him, even when there are no clear signs. And I feel like He is saying, "just enjoy NOW. This day, right this moment, all I give you."
Deep breath.
Yes, it is enough for today.

1 comment:

AprilK said...

I feel this way a lot, too. This is a good reminder. Somewhere between dreaming and pursuing better things and settling for things as-is is where contentment lives. I want to be content.

(Incidentally, I do get up early to spend time with God and have a little quiet time to work before the rest of the family is awake. It's become easier the older my girls get, but still hard to get up some days.)